of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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