so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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