He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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