So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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