I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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