i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
