I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
