I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
