How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
