I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
