if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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