shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
