Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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