just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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