Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
