so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
