Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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