well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
