if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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