Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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