when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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