Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
