did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
