so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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