being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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