i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
