now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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