hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
