Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
