So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
