is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
