My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
