Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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