Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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