I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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