I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
