Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
