My nipple is on Facebook.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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