my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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