think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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