well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
