Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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