The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
