Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
