i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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