Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
