Having a random hookup so left but love u
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
