from now on my penis is your penis
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
