What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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