You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
