the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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