There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
