what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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